I’m rushed off my feet.
I have commitments everywhere, to everyone, for complex jobs that need skills I’m learning as I go. I have seminars and tutorials dancing erratically around my timetable, no two days the same. I have reading to do, battles to know, analysis to understand, names to remember. I have a world pulling me in fifteen directions. Apart from at the first staggering kick-start of the day, I keep my bike gears in the top ring, because I’m never going slowly enough to warrant the rest.
And none of it’s easy and none of it works like it should. My bike lock is a piece of shit whose cheap frame-fixing comes loose every other time I secure it. The university website is a creaking, incoherent shambles that falls over all the time; the just-inherited website I’m trying to run is far, far worse. My tutors don’t answer emails or don’t give answers that help. I have friends in desperate need that I’m trying to contact with a phone that’s literally falling apart in my hands.
It’s wonderful. When I get my world back on the tracks I’ll miss the frantic energy this gives me, and the drive that so quickly snatches it away again.