i thought of a title but it was awful

In my freshers’ pack today (obtained through cunning deception, as I am no fresher but AM LIVING IN HALLS), one of the many mid-tier freebies was a packet of “Guzzle Puzzle.”

It does pretty much what it appears to say on the packet: various wine-gum-ish things in various colours (red, pink, orange, yellow, green) and two shapes (let’s call them ‘lingam’ and ‘yoni’.)

The conceit is clearly that you can create NEW AND EXCITING COMBINATIONS of sweets… however, upon actually attempting this, while all colours fit very well with their corresponding segment in the same colour…

…when presented with pieces of a different colour, they didn’t blend that well at all.

(Of yellow I only had a yoni, which didn’t fit anything, and pink was just a weird little nub, which didn’t fit anything either.)

The message is clear. While Guzzle Puzzle is masquerading as an innocent (well, obscene, but racially unconcerned) sweet for the freshers of today to sweeten their week of inebriated chundering, the concealed message is an anti-miscegenation tract fresh from creepy 30s eugenics.

Yet this fascist confectionery is doomed by its own foul nature: whatever flavouring-related trickery the manufacturers were attempting, it all tastes like a vaseline turd anyway.


3 thoughts on “i thought of a title but it was awful

      1. IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS!

        Gotta finish packing. Rereading The Hobbit instead. Packing must’ve been so much easier for Tolkien’s characters, they didn’t have to agonise over whether or not they would need external hard drives in Mirkwood. shiiit.

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